TEACH CONDOM SENSE: SAY NO TO BOOTY & YES TO SELF-RESPECT

RULE 3: THOU SHALL NOT CHASE BOOTY

“You are not an option, a choice or a soft place to land after a long battle. You were meant to be the one. If you can wrap yourself around the idea that you are something incredible, then you will stop excusing behavior that rapes your very soul. You were never meant to teach someone to love you. You were meant to be loved.” - Shannon L Alder

We all know what a booty call is. We all know what a fling is. We all know what a one-night-stand is and we all know what desperate is. Stop acting desperate is the key. Sex is healthy. I am not saying don’t have sex. I am saying don’t let sex be your focus. Ironically, when sex is your focus, you usually either hookup with people who are unworthy of you, or don’t get laid at all simply because you reek of desperation. 

Listen the world is full of nasty. You don’t want to sleep with just anybody because you happen to feel lonely. Being lonely can give us beer vision. You don't want to have sex with anybody, because it could seriously mess up your life. What if a kid happens and you hate the person. Desperation is unattractive and it causes us to do and date unattractive people. A cool person is not desperate.

 A cool person chills in the back, while their admirers come to them. A cool person turns down sex and is the one doing the rejecting. What happens when you act thirsty, which is a ghetto term for desperate is you push people away. You even start to lower your standards. When you get desperate it’s because you are trying to fill a void for something missing and that thing is usually not cookies or pickles. You think it’s a relationship, but trust me you are probably missing something else, like fulfilling your dreams, or having a truly rewarding career or a relationship with god or yourself.

I am not saying loves not everything. Love is everything, but love will come when you are ready for it. When you are insecure and needy you are not ready for love. Love requires patience and strength. More importantly, it requires that you are a complete individual on your own and don’t generate your self-worth from being in a relationship.

Proverbs 4:23 Says, “keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.” If you are looking for love wildly and desperately, or even sex, you are not being vigilant with your heart. Your heart is something you should safe guard and not give a way to just anybody. This is called self respect.Only people you truly love should have access to your heart and body. You know how we have the fight or flight response and we can't get rid of it just because society has changed. Well sex has certain functions, expectations and emotions, and they don't just go away because we have birth control. 

My favorite quote about love comes from Corinthians 13: 4-7 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”

I better than anybody can understand the deep need to be in a relationship, but chasing penis and vagina is not the answer. Chasing people is forceful. I am not saying be apathetic towards your dating life. I am saying don’t try so hard. Take the hint: she’s just not that into you. After you strike out with the same person for a third time, maybe it really means they have no interest in you, not come back with a boom-box and flowers.

Have some self-respect and don’t let the dating world rip you a part. When the blinders come off, you will be horrified by the people you tried to sleep with. When the desperation fades and you regain your inner cool, you will realize most of the people you were hitting on weren’t even your type. You chased them out of desperation and they rejected you because they could tell you weren’t really interested. Well, they were actually probably sensing that you were mentally unstable, which is okay we all have phases.

The biggest reason you should not chase penis and vagina is because it’s a waste of your two most valuable resources, money and time. The person you are meant to be with will appear on your path and trust me it’s going to click; it’s going to feel like magic. You’re not going to have to jump through hoops and buy them a brand new car. You’re not going to have to deliver this big poetic speech to convince them you two belong together. Actually, anytime you find yourself trying to convince someone you are meant to be with them, it’s probably a clear sign to jump ship. True love just happens. True love doesn’t need convincing. You will just somehow end up kissing and falling in love.

11 WAYS TO KEEP DATING COOL

1.) Don’t rush the relationship: I know your 35 and really want to get married, but you two just met. When fools rush in, they look foolish. You cannot put all these big expectations on someone you just met, like marriage and kids. You will scare them off.

2.) Keep your feelings to yourself for at least a year: Never tell someone you love them after a couple dates no matter how strong your feelings are. I promise you, this is a relationship killer.

3.) ) Don’t freak out because you are in the friend zone: Having a lot of friends you wouldn’t mind sleeping with or dating is the best kind of life to have. It means you are surrounded with options and actually taking the time to get to know the person.

4.) Be nonchalant when asking people out: The biggest problem people have in pursuing romance is they feel the need to label everything. So is this a date, we might awkwardly ask. Don’t ask girls or men out on dates. This is the fastest way to get rejected. Instead find out their hobbies and do something with them. Hey, you want to go hiking. Hey my favorite band is in town, want to tag along. Get them to hang out with you first, not date you.

5.) Go Dutch: Girls like to go Dutch now days, because it means they don’t have to feel pressured into sleeping with you when the date is over. A girl who refuses to go Dutch is only using you for a free meal. You can pay when she is officially your girlfriend, not when you are feeling things out. Trust me you don’t want to waste money on bitches you don’t even like. And ladies it’s not cool to expect men to pay for everything and then complain about inequality and sexism. It’s very cool when chicks pay for themselves and sometimes treat the guy.

6.) Let rejection role off your back: Rejection is not personal. Someone saying no to you does not diminish your character in anyway. When someone says no, you should literally respond, “That’s cool. Maybe some other time,” and walk away. What you don’t want to do is get all needy, beg, and ask them why they said, no a million times. You need to act like it was just a thought, not like your heart and soul were at stake.

7.) Chill with multiple people: Dating one person you just met is dangerous for several reasons. One: it’s a big investment in time. Two: You don’t know the person. 3: When you have all your eggs in one basket it’s easier to be obsessive about the relationship. Obsessive behavior is creepy and unhealthy. The best way to avoid this is to play the field, until you find someone worthy of being exclusive with. Plus, when we only date one person we have a tendency to idolize them and think they are greater than they actually are. The bottom line is dating a mix of people will give your perspective.

8.) Listen: If you have a hard time listening to a specific date, there is a good chance they are boring and not the one for you. However, if you have a problem listening on the majority of your dates, there is a good chance you don’t know how to live in the present moment and have too many alternative voices bouncing around in your head. It’s very cool to genuinely be interested in other people and be able to ask those questions about something they just said.

9.) Come on physically strong, but not emotionally strong: You don’t want to tell someone you love them before you even have sex with them. Even if you believe full heartedly that someone is your soul mate, don’t tell them that shit. It’s weird. Instead, inch in closer. Touch their shoulder. Punch them playfully. Go in for the kiss.

10.) Be smooth with the first kiss: First of all, you got to make sure there is actually chemistry and you want to make sure there is some privacy. Never ask them if you can kiss them. Sometimes, this will work, but usually they will say no. What I like to do because I travel is say something like, “you know what the French do“, and they will say, “no what,” and that’s my cue to show them. From there I test how open they are to kissing me, by kissing their hand, or shoulder, or arm, or cheek and if they blush and don’t say what they fuck are you doing, I move to the lips.

11.) Make eye contact: Girls really like when you make eye contact with them. Stop looking at your phone and actually look at them. Two people can actually fall in love through eye contact alone. If you are not good with words, speak with your eyes. Words are overrated anyway.