STATE OF POWERLESSNESS: WOMEN AND ABUSE

There are a number of reasons a person would embrace a subservient role over a powerful role, and the biggest reason is it’s easier to position one’s self in a state of powerlessness, impotency and uselessness. Some of you may think this simple truth is nonsense, but the reality, it’s easier to be a victim, abused, poor, unhappy, and addicted. By giving others control of our lives we never have to face the hard questions life calls us to answer, like who am I, what do I really want to do, what I am made of. By being subservient we never have to test our moral characters or abilities. We never have to free ourselves from the bondage we were all born to. We never have to grow and change and honestly we never have to struggle.

For example, getting beaten by your husband every day might be painful, but it is not a true struggle because a struggle can really only occur when we try to resist a process with all our might. At this point in your life, you know your husband is going to strike you when he comes home drunk. Knowing this information a struggle cannot occur, because an acceptance of information occurred, like clockwork you get struck, and like clockwork you accept this pattern into your weekly routine. Basically, staying in an accepted routine of habitual beatings is not a struggle at all because it’s a choice. It’s a symptom of inner weakness, a byproduct of playing it small, a failure to acknowledge your higher self and that you deserve better than to be in an abusive relationship. I know this because I’ve been there. I am talking from a combination of research and personal experience.

If you are thinking and behaving as your lower self, you can expect a drastically lower quality of life. You might have a broken jaw or rib cage, but these injuries don’t symbolize a struggle against violence, they symbolize an acceptance of it. A struggle can only occur when we try to resist a process, or when we fight against something, not when we passively accept a situation or perhaps are even drawn to it because of self-destructive tendencies that allow ourselves to be bullied.

 In the same vanity, scars can symbolize surpassing a struggle. It takes time to heal, just like it takes time, exercise, discipline, motivation and endurance to become physically strong. It takes a lot of hard work and training to become mentally strong. To have an unshakable inner strength can take years, even decades to build.

If you are truly in an abusive relationship, the kind where you know for a fact, if you tried to leave they would hunt you down and kill you, I would encourage you to leave, because if they succeeded in murdering you at least you will die free, as a fighter with dignity, who showed an extreme amount of courage in their struggle. It might seem like a controversial remark, but death is a better alternative than living as a victim in complacency and if he would kill you because he left, it's only a matter of time before he will kill you for staying. Leaving is your only real option. 

Patrick Henry said, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Our freedom is precious and if we somehow find ourselves in deep forms of bondage, restraints, and limitations, we need a find a way to gain our freedom back. Living with a physical or an emotional abuser is unacceptable.

The reality of this situation is you don’t have to die just because you have been made to feel fear. You can find a sanctuary and a force of protection within a number of battered women shelters, agencies, police stations, you can disappear somewhere he won’t find you. You can kill or be killed. No matter how scary your abuser seems, he is not a bigger, more powerful entity then the resources around you or your higher self. You do not have to let the abuser dictate the terms of your life. This is your life; you decide what happens in it.

Just because the abuser says if you ever leave, I will hunt you down and kill you, doesn’t make it true, it’s just words. Learn to let his words die. Let’s see how tough he is when he is behind police bars, or your older brother is beating him senseless. You might not want to admit this to yourself, but usually all it takes to get out of your abusive environment is a phone call. If the abuser ever comes looking for you, have the strength to fearlessly kill him, and pray that god and the justice system does not fail you because it was a matter of self-defense.

The reason we stay victims is because we fear change. We know what it’s like to struggle. We don’t know what it’s like to thrive. Humans are creatures of comfort. Our comfort comes from familiarity. What this means is we can grow to love our abusers. It’s a way of lying to ourselves to prevent further trauma. This is a popular coping mechanism in scenarios of repeated rape. The sexually violated person will convince themselves they love their rapist because they are in denial of the rape that occurred. This occurrence can be categorized as Stockholm Syndrome, which is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger in which they have been placed.