ALL MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN REACHING FOR THE PIANO!
All my life I have been reaching for the piano!
I remember begging for music lessons and being told there was not enough money!
I remember winning a jump rope contest at school, where the reward was being invited to my teacher's house for dinner. While she was preparing food I stumbled across her piano in the living-room and started playing the piano.
She thought I was her daughter who had been taking lessons and this memory sticks with me and is vivid as it was one of my first experiences touching porcelain keys.
I was around 6 or 7 years old and I knew I was in love, but like many great relationships through out history I would be separated from my love for long periods of time, only to reunite in brief moments just to have my love vanish again and again.
One time I even found a piano at the Goodwill for 100USD. It was in pretty good condition considering the price and that pianos can run 16k and up easily. I was so excited I hired movers to bring it to my home. My mistake was not asking my mother who told me she did not want it in her house and she did not want to hear the noise. I begged her to let me keep it in the barn and she still refused.
She forced me to send my love away and my heart was empty just like a wife sending her husband to sea. It seemed I ws just not meant to have this love as life kept sending it away.
It was cruel for the universe to have me fall in love with such an expensive and big instrument that always remained out of my reach. It seemed unfair and I started to wonder why I was obsessed with piano always in the back of my heart and mind. Nobody in my family was a muscian and it was not like I had exposure to the instruemnt other than church.
I used to attend church, just to sneak off during the sermon and find a piano in a practice room. Sometimes, I would get kicked out of public cafes for playing the piano too long and aggressively. I am perhaps, one of the few people who had to practice in public from the beginning.
I know many artist like to hide in the basement as caterpillars and do not like to show the world their musical skills into they are butterflies, but I was forced to play on any public piano I could find as a caterpillar.Sometimes I annoyed people. Other times I enchanted people.
I moved through most of my life without music, but I was always listening to other artist. Music was not my focus. I never thought it could become a skill or career because my aspirations were shutdown pretty early in life.
I did a lot of sports growing up because everyone can learn basketball and the expense of sports is pretty low in comparison to the expense of musical instruments and lessons. I never really thought about it, but I guess arts are a luxury.
You can get a soccer ball for ten bucks. You cannot get a guitar for ten bucks, so my family was a sports family because you could by one ball and have the whole neighborhood share it.
We did not have the money for artistic pursuits and I guess they were not seen as necessary or valuable to anyone, but for some reason I was always drawn to these artistic things out of my reach and it tortured me my whole life. My whole life I was envious of kids who got to take ballet, guitar lessons, violin lessons.
Now, that I am older working as a teacher I see many children being dragged to lessons they do not care about. How I envy the early and prestigious start of the life of a child with privileges'. It is humbling when I see a five year old blow me away on the piano. I cannot help, but think I have such latent musical potential, but because the piano was always out of reach, I will never be as talented as that five year old who blows people away. It does not mean my love affair is any less intense or important though!
Finally, when I attended university I got to dabble in the arts. I am still paying that debit off. All I know is kids practice their whole life to audition for performance arts schools. I was behind, but my first semeseter as a music minor I got an -A in singing and a B in piano. I think that is incredible considering other students had been taking lessons their whole life and I knew nothing about music or music theory. There was no way for me to compete really. I
I cannot help, but think I have such latent musical potential.
Musical Update! Keyboards are not the same as pianos. Keyboards are almost like a toy in comparison to a grand piano, but I have my own Casio Keyboard now.
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